Happiness: Choosing to be happy !

Happiness seems to be a hot topic these days. Many definitions for this word can be found. I see many books on the subject. Health segments on TV news often talk about 'how to be happy.' On page 70, SIMPLE magazine even has an article on how to find simple pleasure in your life everyday. Author Bloom, suggests....guess what.....smiling ! Seems people react more positively to you when you smile, and "facial feedback"(looking happy) fools the brain into being happy !

Being happy has been a life-long goal of mine.
Maybe it is for everyone? I have not always been successful, but of late, I seem to be doing better.

My mother, who had many reasons to be overwhelmed, often 'made' herself smile. It seemed to ease her pain somehow. I hope so. She often quoted the song title: "Let a smile be your umbrella (on a rainy, rainy day...."). I believe that she intuitively knew somewhere there was a place of happiness and joy inside herself. I do not always give myself access that place, but I KNOW it is here, in me. (I learned a lot from my mother, but that is for another posting !)

I used to think being happy was somewhere out there; something to be found in other people, in activities, in seeking ways to take my mind off my problems, and in destructive actions. It is not 'out there' or to be found in other people. No one can 'make' you happy, or UNhappy.

It was a revelation, some years ago, to discover that no amount of exciting diversions, no activities, no other person can make me happy or unhappy. Happiness was a choice. I believe that very strongly.

What I learned was that I could choose to have a good day, or a bad day. To create a bad day, all I had to do was think about how pissed off I was about some trifle, or how 'right' I was about some event, or think about how things did not go my way when I wanted them to. Some small perceived hurt could be turned over and over in my mind, potentially setting up a bad mood for days.

Life has many sad and hurtful things in it. Being in touch with the panorama of feelings that we are blessed with gives me insight into what I need, or want, to do to make those difficulties take their right place in my life. And to deal with them appropriately, when 'crap' happens to me. (Am I perfect at this....heck no, yet I will keep trying.)

When I have grief, I may cry. When I am angry, I may rant and rave about it....or not. Anger sometimes requires a physical outlet, but one that does not hurt myself or others. Stating the hurt and asking for clarity is often the best solution for me. I can be happy and still deal with anger, sadness or grief. Not being happy is about choosing to be unhappy, or angry....or moody, another form of anger in my view. I try to find the cause of the hurt or misunderstanding that brought the anger in the first place. Usually a misunderstanding or mis-interpretation. Alternately, if I am joyful, I just enjoy that or perhaps share that too. All feelings can be shared with a trusted, willing friend or partner, if that is appropriate.

It is so much easier to be happy. It takes less energy and it seems to garner more humane and positive responses from others as well. Let me clarify....I am not talking about being sweet and syrupy and insincere. What I mean by choosing to be happy is to deal with life's difficult situations, life's daily disappointments with a calmer, clearer, positive mind. So each morning, when I wake up, I think about how I want my day to go. I choose it to be happy ! That seems to work for me. Maybe it will work for you ?